A Cat in the Sun

A cat is in his glory laying in a shaft of light. He's warm, safe, peaceful. Well cleaned, coat shinny, and belly full.

A cat in his glory.

We're glad it's summer over here. Glad it's not winter. Glad there's still sunshine at 8:30pm.

...REAL glad the winter's over.

Doesn't mean suffering's over, but it means we don't suffer in the cold of night.

Means we suffer in the LIGHT.

Means we suffer in the DAY. And in the day there is hope.

Doesn't mean we hate the night.

'Cause we GROW in the night, REST in the night. KNOW that DAY . WILL . COME.

So we GLORY in the day. PUSH HARD in the day. Live HARD in the day. WORSHIP in the day.

Be thankful for the DAY friends.

Much love in the Ghost,

M.

Interesting times

We've had this dream, my wife and I. Our dream is to be together as much as possible. And we've been trying to figure out how to make that dream happen.

We know we can produce events with the best of'em. We know we can work together like few other couples can. We know we can work harder, together, than most people. And we know we have business savvy to boot.

So we came up with this idea,

"Say, girlie, what if we start a business together? You know, like events and photography kind of thing..." "Wow, that would be on hell of a risk, wouldn't it?" "Well ya, but realistically, if we don't do it we'll look back and say, 'why didn't we start a business together...'" "Maybe you're right, lets think about it some more and talk later..."

A while (and a lot of life) later, and we re-approached the idea,

"Say girlie, what about that idea we had about starting a business together?" "Yep, been thinkin' about that..." "You know, if I don't do it now, we'll probably never do it. And I either need to do it or stop talking about..." "okay, lets do it!"

(Conversation summery, no conversation actually happened that way)

My internal dialogue lately says, as Yoda best put it, "do or do not do, there is no try..."

So, without further ado, DND Productions!

We've been waiting to do this since we got married...so stick around. Things just got a whole lot more interesting!

Watchin' movies...

We're watching 'everything is illuminated' on our sweet little set-up tonight. Got it last night. LED with a blueray player (to come).

Never set one up for myself, before this...

It's kind of a dream.

See, we didn't have a TV in our old place, and when we moved into this one, and with everything that went on soon thereafter, we got one kind-of out of necessity (you can check back in the posts to see what I mean), but it wasn't the one we 'wanted'. And we promised ourselves that if we ever had 'any' money we'd get one.

Well, it's here...

Still got some settling to do for it...drill the wires, put art up, etc. but you get the idea.

Just marking the occasion.

...Ya'll should come, have a glass of wine and watch a movie with us sometime.

M.

Cuttin' the grass

I bought a lawn mower a couple weeks ago, cause this is what my yard looked like...

You can see it WAY in the back. Nice mower, but it's one of those manuel push kind...good for emissions. Bad for me!

I almost quit.

Almost gave up.

Got the the end of this first strip and had blisters on my hands already.

Had the rest of the yard to do.

Then I thought,

'How can I expect to be an example for my church if I don't manage my own affairs well?'

'How do I expect to respect myself as a man if I can't power through this yard?'

'How do I expect to be a good example to my wife if I can't do this?'

See, I expect a lot of myself. I expect a lot of my work ethic. Expect a lot of the outcomes of my work. Expect as close to perfection as I can muster.

Means I let myself down A LOT.

This time I didn't.

Before I knew it I had my head down, WORKIN'.

And before I knew it, the yard was DONE.

And wouldn't you know it, two weeks later, and the yard looks like this!

Just cause hard times come around doesn't mean you can let your expectations of yourself drop.

Expect results of yourselves, friends. Even if it means blisters on your hands and a little sweat on your brow. The results will pay more than your suffering.

Much love,

M.

Straining toward the goal

I press on (push harder) to take hold (cleave to) of that for which
Christ Jesus took hold of (captured) me. Brothers (and the Loved), I do not
consider myself yet to have taken hold of (my reward) it. But one thing

I do (and I will): Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead
(into the LIGHT), I press on (strain further) toward the goal (work harder) to
win the prize (refined by trials) for which God has called me heavenward (to
GLORY) in Christ Jesus!

Happy easter everybody...

Battling Trust

Spacing out the timeline by which this happened. Sifting through the papers by which this happened in my mind, 'cause things are moving quicker and quicker as we age. Moving from one step to the next almost without pause for consideration about what the next step will be...

Maybe it's suppose to be that way. Maybe its Trust sitting at the table with me, asking me to follow it instead of the paper trail I believe I have. Talking at me that is not really in my control, that it's not really up to me. Not really mine at all. 

But I battle Trust with barbs like, 'but look what i've done' and, 'see how I've built it'. And trust looks at me while I speak, seeing me.

Selfish, proud, belligerent, dirty and unremorseful am I to Trust. But he loves me.
He loves me. Busted and leaking. Soaking in my own guilt. Securing a place in the darkness, according to myself. But he thinks otherwise...

He thinks otherwise that I might have hope one day. hope in myself. Hope to heal myself. Those around me. Hope to have hope that I might one day be acceptable to Love.

And He knows I am acceptable to Love.  Acceptable in my search.  Acceptable in my selfishness, pride, belligerence, filthiness and unremorsefulness...made RIGHT by Love.  Made Good.

And I sit, covered in the papers of my 'proof', made acceptable, made right, made Good.  weeping.  in awe.  in Love.

M.

livin' the dream.

Livin' the dream...Yup, it's great...when it works.

But when it doesn't work, it's just work.

Hard.

Painful.

Work.

See, I kind'a sold out when we planted THE WELL. I gave up the idea of having a 'real' job, 'cause I 'had' to do it. I knew I had to leave behind what most people consider a 'normal' life for a life of uncertainty and risk. Knew I had to do it; because it WAS risky... because the Spirit told me to.

Now, a-year-and-a-half into it we're getting down to the 'work'.

And it's HARD work.

Work, helping people (with God's help) dig themselves out of emotional and spiritual ditches while trying to dig myself out of one. Work, learning how to pastor. Work, surrendering to the vision that I now God has for me and my wife. Work, making life work against all odds.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it (love pastoring, love production, love helping people/serving...it's what I'm MADE to do), but there are definite sacrifices involved in doing what you love.

Especially when you're just starting out.

And that's what we're doing.

Starting out.

I read Mars Hill Yearly report today. Even after 10 years they didn't feel like they had 'arrived'. That both encouraged me and discouraged me. Made me think we've got a ways to go. Made me think I'm lookin' forward to the journey.

It's like starting out on a swim.

Yep, that's me in my second triathlon EVER...notice all the wetsuits. Notice I'm not wearing one...

If you've ever swam across a lake before you know what I mean...

You get in and you're so excited to be in the water. And when you start swimming you're very concentrated on your strokes, what you're body feels like, getting warmed up. Not caring about where the other side of the lake is.

It's when you get to the middle, and you start to feel the fatigue, and you take a break to look around, and there's only water that you realize what you've done. And you think, 'oh man, I'm all by myself and there's only water around me...'

That's when the fear kicks in.

Here's the turning point.

You either keep swimming, or you drown...

You either take the risk and keep swimming to the other side, or turn back and go back to where you came from.

It might be easier to go back where you came from. It may be harder to keep swimming to the other side. But we're not called to take the easy way

Put your head down. Swim. You'll GET to the other side. You'll be tired, and your body will hurt. But you'll be stronger, fitter, more experienced and a better person for sticking to your guns and battling you're fear...

Feels like I'm in the middle of the lake. Looking around thinking 'wow, I've come a long way, but this is the most risky part. 'cause (with the Holy Spirit) I'm the only one who can make me get across this lake...'

I just have to keep working, keep enduring the pain, and keep looking to the shore as it gets closer...because, ultimately, I LOVE swimming...

living vs. ALIVE

'just because you're living doesn't mean you're alive'

heard that song lyric yesterday. Not sure who it's by, but it's a good one.

Got me thinking about what I'm doing with my life, if I'm truly alive...

'lot of people forget to LIVE life...They settle into a way of thinking and play maintenance until that 'magic' time when they'll 'break out of they're shell, and DO something'.

They look around at 80 and realize that time never came. (Freedom 55 anyone?)

Like they expected a sign along the way saying, "HAY! NOW'S THE TIME TO START LIVING!!'

Something I've realized over the last 5 months is that we really only get one crack at this life thing. Every day that you're breathing is the only day like it, and there won't be another one. Just like every breath is the only one like it, there won't be another one of those either.

(You thinking about you're breath pattern?)

My dad and I came up with this theory when I was a teenager, 'you make a decision whether you make a decision or not...', meaning, even the choice to not make a decision is a decision.

So if you're lazy, you're choosing to be lazy, even if you don't realize it...

throws it on it's head, right?

If you hate you're job, then quit.

If you hate where you live, move.

If your marriage isn't working, the fix it. Make it right. TALK to your wife, your husband. Clear the air. MAKE IT WORK.

You're the only one trapping you in you're own life...

All it takes is guts.

Being ALIVE.

Making a choice...really.

Hmm...

the son...

my son

while I was running today I realized that the sun is getting stronger by the day. That this winter might one day come to an end. There may be life eventually.

Love, WITH sin...

Your capacity for love is a direct result of your ability to repent.

You love people. Good. But do you love them as much as you should? Do you love them as much as Jesus did?

Jesus was WITHOUT sin, and therefore had an entire life of love to pour out to the world.

You are WITH sin, and therefore are held captive from our ability to love.

You hold grudges, you hate people, you do violence to one another and yourselves. We slander our selves, each other and God, by the way we live and the things we say.

We put ourselves first.

That's why we think love is this pretty thing of rose peddles, candles, teddy bears and hugs.

It's when you repent of your anger against others and God, grudges, hate of yourself, that you really find a place where you can start LOVING people.

Fact is love is hard. It's picking someone up, dusting them off and slapping them to get them to move. It's telling someone not to be stupid with they're life (even at the risk of offending them). It's putting others before yourself, even to the point of death.

Loving people enough to realize that you're NOT (actually) that important (in the grand scheme of things). Realizing you can't be all things to all people, but knowing that if you ARE who God called you to be, then you will have the ability to SPEAK to all people.

Repent.

Give up those things which are holding you captive.

Ask God to point out areas of you're life that you are un-repentant of.

Submit to Godly authority.

It's THEN that you'll start to begin to see what love is REALLY like.

Getting bumped

I'm living a new reality; having got married, gotten my wife pregnant, bought a house, lost a baby, become a pastor (and all the ups and downs that come with living life in general)... all in a year and a half.

So you can't REALLY blame me for being a little introspective.

So when someone recently said to me, "what you put in is what spills out when you get bumped'. I took it to heart and was like, 'what spills out of me when I get bumped?'

Well...quiet rage, a desire to 'work' my way out of the situation, a need to 'control' the situation, a backlash of vibrato against fear, not admitting fear, pride about the things I've accomplished (as a way of controlling the situation), shutting down emotionally. Needing to 'be a man'.

I actually think the question should become more like, ' so Mike, what do you do when it hurts?' Well I wish I had an easy answer (now that I've dealt with some real pain, lived some life, acquired some scars from life...)

If I was pushed to answer, I'd have to say: Don't try to work the pain away.

Here's the key:

Embrace the joy and linger with it.

Embrace the pain and endure it.

It's in facing it head-on that you get to the other side. It might be scary and seem dangerous to look at, but to look away is not the way we're instructed to do it.

It takes courage to do it. A friend of mine said it really well,

'Courage doesn't mean FEARLESS, it can mean totally fearful, but doing it anyway'.

If there's one thing that I've learned from the last year and a half, its that life is one fight after another. It's not in knowing that the next fight is coming, it's in knowing how to KEEP fighting...

What builds you up? What things inspire you? What things make you want to get out of bed in the morning?

It's the act of pursuing those things that you get to KEEP fighting!

The hope in all this comes like my gray hair... it's that I become less of who I am by nature, and more of 'who I'm suppose to be'... hopefully that need to be a 'man', or need to control the situation, fighting the pain, or emotional shutdown are not what spill out when I get bumped. Rather, it'll be emotional vulnerability, acceptance of pain, giving control over (or seeming control) of those situations I can't control, that I see spilling out.

Now, you know the question was comin' your way...

What' spills out when you get bumped??

Lessons in film #1

Lesson of the day:

When you're shooting outside in the winter, make sure you're model doesn't fall off the tree backwards...

Project 30Belly

So I wanted to go for a run this morning (yep, I thought I was crazy too...) and walked out the door to THIS!

And I know what ya'll are going to say..."the snow wasn't as bad as they said it was going to be!.." bla, bla, bla.

Okay, I agree with you, but this is a drift in our front yard.

You're next question is, "Mike, why would you even THINK of going for a run the morning after 'the worst storm in 20 years'?"

Well? Because of this.

Yep, Project 30Belly.

(Yes, that is a chalk board. And it IS in our kitchen...)

K, so I'm turning 30 in March, and while most people don't think I have a 30Belly to loose, I'm in the market to loose some of that winter fat (Plus I think if I don't have a belly now, I'm more likely not to have one when I get to 50...Kapeesh ?)

So, here's the deal. I want these 6 things to stick ('cause they're all good to do), so I'm adopting them slowly...

1. Just say NO to Sugar (Fairly innocuous, but easier said than done)

-One step at a time. One craving at a time...Yep, just like killing any addiction

2.Work out 5 days a week

-Serious

-I just downloaded this app to help me train

3.Do crunches EVERY day

-Yep, it's the only way I know how to flatten you're stomach for the long hall

-Here's the program I'm using, it's not everyday, but it'll get me there

4.Just say YES to fruit and veggies (maybe INSTEAD of sugar?)

-Yep, easy, simple

-Detox on the body and minerals + vitamins

5.Kiss your wife (husband, kids...Gramma?) every day

-Easy to do, and creates intimacy in you're relationship

-serious

-Studies have proved the connection between intimacy and physical wellbeing

-Nice.

6.Drink 6 1 litre water bottles a day

-thats a LOT of water, but it's a measured target to hit

-it lubricates joints, detoxifies, helps brain function, prevents aging, increases effincey in body operation and increases energy...

-JUST DRINK WATER

-most people are dehydrated

-most people think they're hungry when they're actually thirsty...

By the way, when I was on my run I was probably one of the only people in Hamilton to see this

or this

Reality is, no one's going to do it for me. I'm the only person who can do it.

AND, I just have to do it. Not give myself the choice NOT to do it.

Get up in the morning and get out the door...

I feel like a million bucks now...really

And I'll sleep better tonight.

My Humility...

That there is the source of my humility for the coming years...

1. This page got posted last Tuesday.

2. We had a conversation at bible study on wednesday about expectation.

I've come to a bunch of conclusions about that there page

1. Reality is, there's a lot of expectation of that role.

2. I'll never live up to it.

3. I'll keep trying

4. Only God can do the work that's set out before me.

5. The grace of God says it's okay that I'm going to fail, but the expectation NEVER gets taken away.

...Same with you, if you believe, that is.

6. I'm okay with that, but

7. It scares the CRAP out of me... ( see here and here for more reasons it scares the CRAP out of me)

Maybe that's a good thing.

No, that's a good thing. 'Cause it'll keep me humble.

Yup, simple as that.

Much love in the Holy Ghost,

M.

His Weight

His weight was heaver than his 1 pound.

Be BEING overflowing...

Oswald Chambers

Here's the quote that got me...

God is saying to His people, “You are not in love with Me now, but I remember a time when you were.” He says, “I remember . . . the love of your betrothal . . .” (Jeremiah 2:2). Am I as filled to overflowing with love for Jesus Christ as I was in the beginning, when I went out of my way to prove my devotion to Him? Does He ever find me pondering the time when I cared only for Him? Is that where I am now, or have I chosen man’s wisdom over true love for Him? Am I so in love with Him that I take no thought for where He might lead me? Or am I watching to see how much respect I get as I measure how much service I should give Him?

Are you in love with him or not?

Was sitting with Jess eating breakfast and (as is our habit) we did this reading. And what overcame me in that moment is that I'm NOT overflowing....

Then I was cut by it, convicted. If I'm going to help lead people I need to quiet myself down, quiet my mind down and start to listen to what He's saying. Be more humble. Less proud of my accomplishments.

Really, respect Him more.

Thanks Oswald, again.

M.

Today

Today I told Jess that I was pretty convinced, all Judah knew was love. And for my part, I'd rather suffer his post-natal death knowing that all he knew was love, than him die in utero and not know the extent of our love for him.

M.